Your Own Mercantilism

Viewing you from other people's perspectives is one thing that I should do. I could judge you this and that, but the way you behave has been motivated by x-factors, which I can't even see. I may guess but all of them will be really subjective. You are the only one who knows your truly self.

You bury your secrets within you. You're like cutting the bridge that connects me to you. You are blocking me in every way. I am now engaged in your embargo. You're like the old China in that Cultural Revolution, wiring yourself from the outside world. You're like a city which is being under siege but won't surrender.

I've been looking for an aperture on your majestic, well-defended walls. But you're placing your archers on the parapets so that I can't get too close. The catapults and ballistae won't even make the breach. You're super strong.

I am confused. I am so sure that the slightest opening would do. But your heart is made of rocks. I can do nothing. But then I am struck by a brilliant idea. I myself tell my men to change the rock that the catapult unleashes with myself. They tell me that I am insane. But I need to open the gate from the inside. Your very gate.

As I have made up my mind. I gather all the strengths. I recall the reasons why I should fly over the wall. And the reason is YOU. I step onto the platform. The squads are fastening the strap and they are staring at me as if they would not like to see me dead. Everyone knows that I will die. I am certainly dead in no second because wherever I will be landing on, I am good as dead. But I believe in my faith and my sole purpose: To open the gate of your Heart.

Silence hits everybody on the slaughterhouse. The fainted looks of the soldiers. I tell this again to my heart: "Once you're in, you can't get out". So as everybody on the battlefield is pointing their eyes on me, I start the countdown. Telling my men to cut the rope, I am filled with anxiety. Worried and wavering. My life is absolutely in the palm of God's hand.

"3...2...one!". I close my eyes. I am so afraid that I can't even distinguish whether I am living a dream or what. Yet, I don't feel the bounce. And so I open my eyes again. The rope-cutters are unable to finish the task. Seeing their uncooperative attitude, my best comrade then takes control. He says, "Well, mate, I believe in you. I believe you'll survive and I do know that impassable gate will ultimately bow before you." I just smile. Fear has taken control over me.

I'm shaking. I shout once again: "Three!! Two!!! ................ ONE!". As I am shouting I can hear him drawing his sword. I know it's time. And Whoosh! I know I am flying! All those ticking seconds in the air have transformed into unpredictable sands of time. I suddenly relive all the past events of my entire life... The day I was born, the first day my uncle taught me how to wield a sword, the first day of summer, the first day I played snowballs with my neighbors, the first day I spent fishing with my dad, the first day I met a girl that took away my breath and the rest of days which I spent all with you, my dear love. Your gorgeous, lovely face melts within the visualization.

But the manifestation ends. I realise that at the moment your archers, with their jaw-dropped expressions, are all looking at me. They don't believe their eyes. Their bows are ready and the arrows are aflame, but they don't fire. Weird. And so I am flying over their heads, I am so sure they are puzzled. I bet they are wondering how such a mentally-deranged guy could ever walk on earth. However, still I salute them, waving my hands in the air as ridiculous as I can be.

My time is near. "I am just a second away from my expiry", I think. But God's answer is different. And as I fly right to the .................................................... (The End)


My point is, you write your own story. Your own ending. Your very own personal emotions. But remember, you're not alone in this world. There are me and billions of people out there.

I do know that you're well-guarded. We've been friends for more than 12 months. But I just know a little part of you. You're so exotic. I've been trying to look into you, but it always seems that you put so many barricades around you. To be truthful, I don't know who you REALLY are. Why do you always reply "I don't know" or "Never mind" or "There's nothing" to me? I can't get much deeper into you.

I do know you have problems. I know you are now experiencing an ordeal. A big hardship. Yeah, it's hard. If I were you, I'd be the same. And I guess that's why you sound so different. But one thing, your attitudes towards me are pointless. You're acting so cruel to me. And I've been trying to be nice. I will always be. But don't you see that if you don't explain why you're that bland on me, I will never know what I should do.

Time flies fast. And I've only got less than a month here in Jakarta. What could I tell you? I don't know.
:'(

Well, someday it's gonna make sense.