Unsettled

Can't decide. It seems like I've lost and am lost. Can't tell but I can feel. The destitute soul that's craving for a jet crash. Keeps on lurking and studying you from down under. Asking myself whether you're worth it or not. Comparing and comparing. Well, if we were to die together, why not?

Is it me that can't let go? Or is it you that keeps on pulling me? If you don't mind, please don't hold to a piece of wooden stick for it's fragile. Since when did you become empty-minded? So-called virtual parasite is sticking on you and you love it being with you, don't you? Well, if we were meant to be, why not?

You're fading away. But all of a sudden you drag yourself back. Pieces by pieces these memories won't degrade. Is it a total failure in my brain's recycling system? Or is it your virus that keeps on replicating in my soft drive? I installed an antivirus in the system, but your malice is there penetrating the firewall. Well, if I were to eject my CPU, why not?

You are a two-faced human. And you possess a deformed "heart". Yeah, "heart". Evil are you! From afar I am casting you some spells. From the beginning I have been practicing some witchcraft. From the dawn I have mixed some potions for you to drink. From the day I met you, I have been having nightmares. Nightmares of being cast stone on me! Well, if you are falling for that pestilence, why not? For you are drunk and will never have the "enough" taste for him.

Minding my Own Business

Dictated by you, Oh Princess o'Charm. Towards the pointlessness state-wise, I was indirectly cursed to have signed a pact with the devil. I blame again: "Why me? Why did my heart fall for you?" Trying to persuade my mind to control this fragile, imaginary thing called "heart". But it fails all the time since my mind follows, never argues and will never disobey it.

Our paths may be different. But my burning desire for you is unchangable and unquenchable "until I've got you". That's the problem. I am truly provoked by every single thing you have captured with another member of looney-lump-of-boogers group. Completely disarrayed as time keeps on walking, I once arranged to teach a lecture. But the one-go-mission is ago.

I hope it fades with the sunset. But it's not. Even the celestial starry nighttime is making fun of me. Thoughts of you have been wandering inside this corner-less brain and inflicting pain throughout every living tissue I possess. I am pretending to be as cheerful as possible but I know someday I will face the dead-end. So, there's no point of hiding it again, huh?

Another morning has been and is always him and his game. No matter how fallen you are, girl, this mind is looking away from you. But, you know my mind follows my heart, and my heart tells me something.

P.S. -ing suffix simply means: action or process. I am literally trying to mind my own business.

The Law of Attraction

Negative charges repel another negative charges. But how weird it sounds when you know that they attract positive charges? There must be some kind of code of laws which the mother nature made long before the universe expanded, long before we were born onto this world.
But ... we can't violate it, can we?

I have been living 18.5 years of my life. I have seen many things: I have seen how unique we are. I have seen how we communicate. I have seen a joyous marriage. I have seen a driven divorce. I have seen a person died. I have seen a kid was born. I have seen a person flew to the moon. I have seen the climate change. I have seen the sea level rises. I have seen mountains spew ashes and lava.
But ... I haven't seen what and who I will be. Will I live the rest of my days in desolation?

Most of the time I spend predicting and forecasting the will-not-be-unravelled image through a bland frame. Most of the time I practise good attitudes and abide by the laws. Most of the time I spend imagining, portraying and depicting you. Most of the time I approach my dear imaginary-yet-real figure without her knowing that I just fell for her.
But ... Most of the time you spend ignoring.

Apparently you are just abducted. Apparently I am just thinking it wrongly. Apparently you are just going further and further away. Apparently I am just driving in a wrong lane. Apparently you are just joking. Apparently I just take it too seriously. Apparently you are just not who you were. Apparently I am just misled.
But ... Apparently you are put aground in such a serious case that you can't get out of there alive.

I can't and won't be bothered. But ... you attract so much attention. And you deserve it.

There is Never a [Zero Percent]

Who are you to be around? Who are you to take control? Who are you to be in charge of this situation? You and I are just walking away from each other. Heading towards the two 180-degrees, totally different destinations. I turned my head to the back, and I can see you moving away, away, away and the farther you are, the stronger this force is pulling me. Persecuted am I. Did you even say goodbye? Did you even look to your back? Yeah, he has enticed you.

To the morning I am clinging. Throughout the days I am mesmerised. Thoughts of you are haunting me ... day and night. Through the valley of the shadows I go with just one little wish. Landing on my mind: "Can I survive this barren life? If I did survive, will I survive you?" High, impassable mountains, deep blue oceans are there but I know that the forlorn hope's still got its 0.01 percent of success. To the unknown I am giving my life.

The image of being lost is unpleasant. Yet, it is exactly what you are yearning. I, also, am aware of your being dragged away. I am wondering if I had cut the cord that was holding you ... long before the day I realised that you're being held hostage ... but just like a foolish, idiotic yet lunatic person I was, I know I couldn't. Just like a marionette I am, driven by an outlandish force.

Still I long for the day we will meet again. I didn't notice that I was smart enough to decode despite tens of thousands of fortnights are spent desolated.. History has it that even Spanish explorers made their way to the west, they met the Portuguese sailing to the east. Which also concludes that I know that someday, somewhere we are going to be standing face-to-face, saying 'hi' for the second time. Yeah, for the second time.

To the Heart of the States

You're a two-legged reptile. The blood that's flowing through your veins is ... cold. There is no other word that could define your cold-blooded-ness. To the heart of the States I am reaching. The shellings worth nothing but friendly fires. Forests raged by fire. O=O is wearing thin.

Choked am I. Suffocated. Surrendered. I'm giving my life to the Most High.

Am lying still on the green pastures. The ravaged, war-torn horizon changes to a perfect, sunny day. All I can see is the clear, blue sky. I can't breathe. I know it is my time. It is inevitable. Deprivation of oxygen makes my vision blurry. Disillusioned state of mind as the Angel of Death is approaching. I feel peace.

Dancing with the dead is your vibe. I have been trying to be within your aura, relentlessly. Now, I am in the dead men's world. Are you all satisfied? No. Is it even gone unnoticed? Instead, you are ... dancing with someone else.


How shattered my heart be. Seeing your reflection with him in the air, but I am unseen. Been spending my days here in the lamentation shouting at you. Yelling as loud as I can do. Everything ventured, nothing gained. In the purgatory where even the sun is no match I wish: "If only I could turn back time ...."

"If only I had told you the truth". It was a long journey to you. A really long journey. But how could I, a mere private and the lowest-rank of all, fall in love with you, my queen?